Flying without a plane

I only have one thing to say about it: if you haven't been skydiving, you suck!

Picures available for downloading here.

Toronto video up!

I know you can't really make things out but hey, it's the only slideshow that isn't as boring as hanging around Microsoft people.* Originals here and here.

* You know we're kidding. Google loves ya!

馬と鹿の物語

Background for my non-Japanese-speaking friends: Lately I've been taking a Japanese course which involves the occasional essay. I've decided to post these essays here for everyone's enjoyment and ridicule. The first one, called "The tale of the horse and deer," is an exploration into the origins of the word "baka," which any greasy anime fan will tell you is Japanese for "foolish." The story itself is actually rooted in ancient Chinese history, and comes from 司馬遷's famous 史記.

「バカ」は、日本語でよく使われている言葉の一つであり、漢字では「馬鹿」と書く。それは何故だろうか。僕は北京で発見した「日本語の不思議な常識」という本を読んで、面白い話を見つけ出した。この話には中国の歴史にでてくる有名な人物が登場する。

皆様は中国を統一した秦の始皇帝をご存知でしょう。司馬遷の『史記』によると、始皇帝が亡くなったとき、中東府の長官の趙高と丞相の李斯が共謀した。この共謀者は初生の王子の扶蘇を自殺させて弟の胡亥を跡継ぎにするために始皇帝の遺書を偽造した。それだけではなく、二世皇帝にも混乱を起こすことも企てた。

しかし、この謀議を実行する前に皇帝の群臣が反対するかどうかを諮る必要があった。

共謀者の二人が皇帝の前に鹿を連れてきて、「これは馬です」と宣言した。二世皇帝が笑い出し、「馬と鹿の区別すらできないのか。なんで鹿を馬と言うんだ」と答えた。

丞相が周りの群臣を問いただした。ある者が正直に「鹿です」と答え、ある者が黙り、大勢の者が「馬に間違えない」と賛成した。周囲の群臣の反応を見て、趙高は共謀者の計画を進めた。正直に鹿を鹿と言った群臣達は全員処刑してしまったそうだ。

この話は「正直者は馬鹿を見る」の由来のように思える。これを短くして「馬鹿」になったそうだ。「馬鹿」の起源については、サンスクリット語の「愚癡（ぐち）」を表す言葉の音訳から来たという話もある。

The iPhone detail you didn't notice

So for my Canadian friends back home, who failed to live through the iPhone launch, there is an interesting detail about the phone that is not apparent at all from the webcasts or Steve's presentations. Personally I would never have thought that such an important aspect of the device would go un-noticed for so long. It seems like such a fundamental part of the design that it's hard to believe that they would gloss over it like that. And it's impossible to ignore once you actually pick up and use an iPhone. And that detail is:

The iPhone is made almost entirely out of chocolate.

Yes, the back is a delicious Swiss light metallic chocolate with an extra-dark milk chocolate plate at the bottom for the antenna. The screen has a honey glaze that gives it a shiny, reflective look. And the whole thing is powered by pure sugar. As fun as it was to play with, and as great a phone and iPod and internet device as it was, it was clear that the REAL killer feature of the iPhone was its taste. And behind it all is super-secret "melts in the mouth, not in the hand" technology licenced from Mars, Incorporated, makers of M&Ms, and the silent third partner in the Apple-AT&T-Mars triumvirate.

It was hard to find any iPhones on display in the Apple store that didn't have bite marks or that weren't half-eaten. (Eating the whole thing would set off the alarm.) Now I see why Apple was limiting patrons to two delicious iPhones apiece. Not for the sake of availability but for the sake of their customers' waistlines. Forget Verizon -- this thing is going to put Godiva out of business.

This does bring up the unbelievable fact that the iPhone will continue to operate without impairment even if 70% of it is eaten. It automatically scales the display to account for any parts bitten off by the user. Now THAT's a remarkable piece of engineering.

So go ahead my Canadian friends, make a trip south of the border and lick an iPhone. You won't believe what's in the creamery center.

Incidentally, Microsoft has stated that the next-generation Zune will be made out of dried onion meal. Ballmer asserts that by offering customers a grim, flavorless alternative to Apple's product, they will appeal to consumers who want to make "a different choice."